Geraint Jones
Joined: 11 May 2004
Posts: 187
Location: Cardiff
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 Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 1:09 pm Post subject: 'Leaves from My Note-book' - [40] I Am so Unreal! |
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| Quote: | I Am so Unreal!
A LADY called upon me one day, apparently in distress of mind. She told me, that she was converted, and was the child of out-and-out Christian parents. She had always been brought up under religious influences, and for her respected father's sake, everyone was kind to her, "I have therefore always been happy," she added. I stopped her in her story, to ask when she was converted, for I suspect people who say they have always been happy.
She answered, "I was awakened by reading your book, 'From Death into Life.' It was the means of bringing me, to a decided change of heart. I believe that book was blessed to my soul; but to tell the truth," she said, looking earnestly at me, "I am so unreal; there is a wide gap between my experience and my light. I have a class at the convalescent hospital; but while I am teaching others, something keeps telling me, 'You are a hypocrite; you are teaching what you do not know yourself!'"
I said, "Whenever such suggestions come to you again, say inwardly to the Lord, 'Lord, give me the knowledge and experience of this light;' if the rebuke is from Him, it is surely sent to bring you to Himself, that He may give you the experience you need. On the other hand, if it is from the devil to hinder you, you will defeat his purpose by your prayers. Besides this, when we teach others out of God's Word, we must necessarily often teach beyond our personal experience; nevertheless, it is the best way to learn. He that waters others, shall be watered himself."
"Yes, I know that is true, thank you," she said, hesitating; "yet I am not satisfied."
"My dear friend," I replied, "you are not intended to be satisfied with yourself. We can only be satisfied with the Lord. He took your place and bore your punishment, that you might have His place, and His merit."
"Yes," she said, "I know that too, but I do not know how to explain my difficulty."
I answered, "You are explaining clearly enough. I see where you are, and what you want. You have been praying for a blessing, and now you are waiting to feel it, before you believe you have it."
"Yes," she replied, "that is the fact; and is not that right?"
"No," I answered. "when you pray for anything God has promised in His Word, and have a desire for it, God is then and there offering you the blessing you are craving. Ask for it, as if you were falling in with His offer, and thank Him for it, as if you had it."
"What," she said, "before I get it?"
"Yes," I answered, "before you get it - that is, before you feel you have it. Waiting to feel the answer, is nature; taking it with thanksgiving, is faith and grace. When you ask for a thing in faith, God's Word tells you, that you have the petition you desire, because you believe - not because you feel or because you prayed."
She looked as if amazed, or as if in doubt whether this was really true. To confirm her faith, I said, "Those ten lepers we read about in St. Luke's Gospel, cried to Jesus for cleansing. The Lord seemed to say to them, 'Do you believe I can cleanse such an incurable disease as leprosy?' 'Yes Lord,' they answered, 'and no one else.' 'What would you do if I did cleanse you?' 'We would go and show ourselves to the priest.' 'Then go and show yourselves to the priests.' They might have said, 'How can we go as we are, in our uncleansed state?' But these lepers did not say anything of the kind. We read, that they did as they were commanded; they went, and it came to pass that, as they went, they were cleansed. So I say to you, 'What would you do if you felt all you wish to feel? Do that, and you will feel.'"
Still the lady hesitated, and looked perplexed. I continued, "You are asking in faith for the blessing of reality; this is the very will of God towards you, and He is putting that prayer or desire into your heart. Make the petition with thanksgiving, and give thanks as if the answer was come, and you will find it true. Feeling, or realisation as you call it, comes after thanksgiving."
The lady began to cry. "What are you crying about?" I asked.
She replied, "Do you really think all this can be true?"
"No," I answered, "I do not think at all about it, I know - I am sure! You have no idea, how much God is desiring to bless you. This hungering and thirsting which you have for deeper and fuller realisation of God and His work, is from Him; and the Lord not only says, 'Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness,' but far more, they shall be filled. Satan is trying to persuade you - you are so unreal. Why do you believe the devil like this?"
"I do not know," said the lady, crying more than before.
"Look up, child," I continued. "The Lord not only says, that you are blessed of Him for hungering and thirsting after righteousness, but He adds, you shall be filled. Is that what you want?"
"Yes, indeed it is," she replied.
"Then," I said, "you may have it, and have it now. Let us thank Him together."
She shrank from doing this, saying it would be an act of profaneness for her to do so.
"Oh no," I said, "the profaneness consists in not doing it. Come, say with me, 'Lord, I thank Thee, for this hunger and thirst which I have in my soul. Lord, I believe Thou wilt fill me, Thou art filling me now.'"
"No," she repeated, "I cannot say that; I do not feel like that at all."
I said, "I do not ask you to feel, I want you to believe. Believe it first and thank the Lord, then feeling will follow. Say after me, 'I do believe, I will believe, that Thou art filling me now - I thank Thee.' Repeat that again and again."
"I think," she said, "I see what you mean."
"That is well, but do not stop there; go on thanking the Lord for answering your prayers."
She soon passed over the line of her difficulties, and began to thank God with rejoicing.
It is not a bad thing, to see a gap between your light and your experience. It shows that your eyes are opened, and that the Holy Ghost is dealing with you in kindling such desires. Thank God for that, and the gap will be speedily bridged over and cease to be. God gives us the sense of our need, to draw us to Himself; Satan uses the same, to send us back. Be sure Satan would not try to hinder you, if he did not see that God was helping and drawing you. Cheer up, and teach others the way of deliverance, by simple faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be confirmed and established in your own soul.
Oh, tender and sweet was the Master's voice,
As He lovingly called to me:
"Come over the line! it is only a step -
I am waiting, My child, for thee!"
"But my sins are many, my faith is small:"
Lo! the answer came quick and clear:
"Thou needest not trust in thyself at all;
Step over the line: I am here!"
"But my flesh is weak," I tearfully said,
"And the way I cannot see;
I fear if I try I may sadly fail,
And thus may dishonour Thee."
Ah ! the world is cold, and I cannot go back;
Press forward I surely must;
I will place my hand in His wounded palm,
Step over the line, and trust. |
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